You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
