there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
