he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
