I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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