My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
