I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
