Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
