is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
