I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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