i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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