meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
