That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
