I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
