I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
