Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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