we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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