I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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