No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
