Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
