I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
