D3 body, D1 cock
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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