There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
