It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize
