I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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