He told me they were just razor bumps!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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