i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
