Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
