I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
