It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
