I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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