ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
