I forgot how hot balto sounded
my being single is dangerous.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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