he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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