Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
