Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
