I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you win again, gameday.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
