Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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