I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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