Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
