I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Drunk is not a location!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
