I think I died a long time ago.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
