I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
