I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
