Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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