why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Randomize
