for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She needs sedatives and a leash
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
