I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
