I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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