remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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