its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
