It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
