I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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