Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
