Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
