It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
