Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
