you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
