He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
